A2 LL - CUPCAKES REPORT ON VIETNAM MODEL SPEECH

Friends we should end this war and bring our boy's back home.


The military and the hearts and minds campaign has failed.


The government and our military still believe that this war will be won in the villages and rural districts of the country.


And still they believe it will be won not through force of arms but through ideas.


But this idea is old and tired.


We can see this in the many names it has been called. They are cold names. Names that ring of deceit and lies. New Life Hamlets. Hearts and Minds.


There is still a religious zeal about this campaign to transform the minds of the people of Vietnam.


Ladies and gentlemen it is time to realise we have failed.


The old ways of winning wars is over.


Our goal was to destroy Communism and stop its toxic ideas from spreading to other South East Asian countries.


But we have failed.


And no one wants to talk about it anymore.


Victory comes with a high price. But we still have not received any benefits.


As tax payers, home owners and citizens we have not seen any dividends from this investment. We have waited far too long.


We have watched this war from our homes descend into a dirty and repulsive war. Undertaken without care or moral purpose.


Friends, the war became more brutal and violent as each year passed.


And still the war of ideas is considered far more attractive to the American government and its agencies.


Remember well friends this is not just a war against Communism but a war embedding American values into this country.


The military campaign is dead. But this second war of thoughts and ideas has been seen as positive and attractive.


But it is old and tired. And difficult to see in action.


One needs to go out into the countryside to see it in action and to experience it at first hand.


But before you are let out you need to be briefed.


It is not an ordinary briefing. It is intense. Lengthy and happens two or three times.


We should call it what it truly is. Brainwashing. Mind manipulation. So that when you go out and visit the Hearts and Minds programme you will only see it dimly.


You will be bombarded with facts and figures, graphs and charts. Statistics. They are lies.


They are government propaganda trying to hide the fact that this government has failed. We have failed.


This war must end.


Let's bring the boy's back home. Now!
.

A2 LL - CUPCAKES FEEDBACK ON REPORT FROM VIETNAM I THE HOME PROGRAMME

This was the hardest recast question you will be set. Please be reassured that whatever you face in  the exam on Friday 17 June it will probably not be anything like as difficult and complex as this mock question. FOR TH CLASS I TEACH ON FRIDAY MORNINGS 9.00 - 11.10

• One significant reason for the difficulty of the task is the narrative perspective of the extract. The narrator is highly critical of the US involvement in the Vietnam War.

• To write a successful recast text it is essential to understand clearly the narrative perspective of the narrator.

• Another challenge in this recast task is the tone of voice the narrator adopts throughout the extract. The writer adopts a cynical, dismissive and sardonic attitude - meaning grimly mocking. I'm pretty sure the exam board will steer well clear of articles that are written like this.

• And I strongly recommend that you do not adopt for your recast text any attitude that can be described as cynical, sarcastic or ironic. I'm pretty sure examiners will not expect you to write in this way. It is full of dangers.

• Because the tone of the article is cynical, sarcastic or ironic I think this text is really confusing to understand.

• Therefore it is important that you understand as fully as possible the extract you will be answering the question on. You will need to take your time reading the extract carefully. Don't jump to conclusions about the text or the question until you've read the text and question more than once.  Take a moment to recall from memory everything you know about the text from revision notes and context notes you've made on this article. This will reassure you, give you confidence and help give you relevant and appropriate points to make.

• This text required a significant amount of contextual knowledge and understanding.

• You must spend a little time doing some background reading of the articles that could come up in the exam.

• One of the biggest problems I found marking this set was the balance between content and the conventions of speech writing.
• A lot of recast texts wrote very general and vague statements rather than specific and detailed points. This meant that students did not understand the extract and the task set
• As a result too much energy was placed in writing a speech. Although it was good to read texts that sounded like a speech's, they were difficult to reward because there was very little actual content from the extract used.

• Finally although this was a difficult source text it was by no means an impossible one to respond to.

A2 LL - 3 WAY COMPARISON FEEDBACK ON CRISPS

Below are a couple of feedback points on the three way comparisons commentaries I marked on crisps.

• It is important to use only short quotations - either one word or a short phrase of about 5 - 7 words - for your analysis. 
• Copying out long quotations that you are not going to comment on in your analysis is a waste of precious time. You cannot afford the time to waste on copying out chunks of the source text especially if you are only going to make one point, or in most cases I've discovered none at all.
• That means you should only quote what you are explicitly going to comment on in detail in your commentary.
• For each quotation you use to support the point you want to make, aim to identify three different features and their intended effect on an audience - listener / reader
• Remember there is a danger that writing long quotations will probably result in writing short comments - identifying one language feature and only one effect. This is the wrong balance. Like the recast commentary you should be concise, detailed and packed with language features - at least 3 - and comment on the intended effects of them.Unlike the recast commentary, you must expand relevantly on the quotation. This means where possible show insight or sensitivity to the writer's or speakers attitudes and assumptions about the topic and / or make comparative points with the other texts. 
• If your quotation is longer than your comment you have the wrong balance.

• This is a real opportunity to show off your knowledge of language features and their effects. Don't skip or ignore features if you know they are there.
• As you read let your mind open up to the different frameworks available to you
• such as: spoken language features, language features and literary features - poetic and prosaic and rhetorical devices

• Before you begin writing it is a good idea to structure your commentary carefully. It won't take more than a couple of minutes and it will produce good results later.
• Choose which of the three texts you will use as the anchor text
• I think you should avoid using the transcript of spontaneous speech as the anchor text. Rule it out now.

• A poorly planned commentary can lead to repeating points - this is a waste of time
• It will make you ignore important points and analysis
• It will make your commentary over complicated and confusing
• Unplanned commentaries increase the chances of feelings of anxiety and panic among students and this will lead to chaotic, inaccurate and poorly expressed writing

• A planned commentary will help you feel calm and in control
• The exam marker will feel confident in you
• A planned commentary will help you organise your thoughts into a coherent and logical order
• It will enable you to concentrate on writing clearly and accurately
• Most importantly it will create a situation whereby you will be able to write full and detailed analytical points
• 
  

A2 LL - 3 WAY COMPARISON - CRISPS - AN EXERCISE

Below are some key quotations taken from last week's timed three way comparison on crisps. I've chosen them at random.

In pairs choose at least one quotation from each text and list as many language features you can identify in each quotation. Then decide on the intended effect on the audience.
Finally write up a detailed and concise paragraph that includes three of the language features and comment on the intended effect on the audience / readers.



Text A

"but but (.) but I rea::::lly don't see what the problem is"

"I didn't spend fifteen grand on a car just for little kids to go in it an leave (0.5) effin crisps on the back seat..."


Text B

"...the acidic tang, of the dust coating each brittle slice."

"So childish of him,this infatuation, so weak, so harmful..." 

"... a clammy  fragrance of frying fat and vinegar... "


Text C

"'But it's true, it's on the television,' I pleaded."

"...I'd open the crackly bag, poke my fingers right down into the crisps and pull out the bright blue twist of wax paper."

"Crisps were frowned upon, rather like baked beans, chips and Love Hearts."

"Crisps - light, salty, golden..."

A2 LL - CUPCAKES - NOTES ON THE REPORT OF THE VIETNAM WAR ARTICLE

I expected to read some or all of the following points in the recast texts WRITTEN FROM THE 9.00 - 11.10 CLASS - the group I share with Brian

• The Vietnam War will not be won on the battle fields but in the farms and villages of Vietnam.
• It won't be won in the capital city or on the battleground
• The US has made an effort to capture the hearts and minds of citizens
• 'hearts and minds' means creating emotional and intellectual support or commitment to a specific point of view
• There are many US citizens and military organisations involved in trying to develop support and sympathy for US moral principles and way of life
• In the 1950's the Vietnam War was seen a buffer stopping the spread of communism to other South East Asian countries such as Burma or Thailand
• Today this model has been rejected. The domino effect model is seen as no longer viable
• The US military campaign against north Vietnam is no longer seen as an investment.
• The duration of the war is too long, its become a dirty war - meaning I think immoral and waged without rules or tried or tested military conventions. It's also a war that has been incredibly destructive - devastating civilian life.
• As a result the US began a second military strategy. It is fought in the forests and relies on intense training and briefing. I wonder if this involves bribery and or  brain washing. These words are never used I think this maybe part of US strategy.
• So there are new villages / communities in the forest. Built and established with US money and support. These places are inspired by US capitalist values.
• To visit them this journalist had to first undergo intense workshops, lectures and briefings in preparation for these visits.
• These briefings looked good on paper. They were delivered with energy and enthusiasm. But I get the impression this journalist thinks it will fail. Just as the US military campaign will fail.

A2 LL - CUPCAKES - FEEDBACK ON THE REPORT FROM VIETNAM 1 THE HOME PROGRAMME

This was the hardest recast question you will be set. Please be reassured that whatever you face in  the exam on Friday 17 June it will probably not be anything like as difficult and complex as this mock question.

One significant reason for the difficulty of the task is the narrative perspective of the extract. The narrator is highly critical of the US involvement in the Vietnam War.

To write a successful recast text it is essential to understand clearly the narrative perspective of the narrator.

Another challenge in this recast task is the tone of voice the narrator adopts throughout the extract. The writer adopts a cynical, dismissive and sardonic attitude - meaning grimly mocking. I'm pretty sure the exam board will steer well clear of articles that are written like this.

And I strongly recommend that you do not adopt for your recast text any attitude that can be described as cynical, sarcastic or ironic. I'm pretty sure examiners will not expect you to write in this way. It is full of dangers.


Because the tone of the article is cynical, sarcastic or ironic I think this text is really confusing to understand.

Therefore it is important that you understand as fully as possible the extract you will be answering the question on. You will need to take your time reading the extract carefully. Don't jump to conclusions about the text or the question until you've read the text and question more than once.  Take a moment to recall from memory everything you know about the text from revision notes and context notes you've made on this article. This will reassure you, give you confidence and help give you relevant and appropriate points to make.

Finally another problem with the source text was the use of a very specific semantic field - words used about the Vietnam War.

Often words drawn from a semantic field will be defined by the exam board in a glossary. However there were too many here.

And there were a high number of low frequency lexis being used throughout.

I'm fairly confident the exam board would not choose extracts with low frequency lexis. Again a glossary may be used for one or two words.

And now really really finally. This text required a significant amount of contextual knowledge and understanding.

You must spend a little time doing some background reading of the articles that could come up in the exam.

Although this was a difficult source text it was by no means an impossible one to respond well to. Click here for a post on the notes I made on this question.

A2 LL - CUPCAKES - A NOTE ABOUT CONTEXTS

It's really important to be informed about the context of the articles in Cupcakes and Kalashnikovs.


It's not a hugely ardours task and can be quite enjoyable. It's a job that you should begin at the beginning of the year and do along side reading and annotating the articles in the anthology.


Sometimes knowing about the context of an article will not be important. It will never be vital. But it can help inform, give a perspective and clarify what are often complex and confusing world issues.


So, as you prepare for this timed recast question consider the following:


Ngo Dinh Diem (1901-1963) was a staunchly anti-Communist Vietnamese statesman who refused to ally with North Vietnamese communists. With the support of the United States government, Diem led South Vietnam from 1954 to 1963.

Hearts and Minds or winning hearts and minds refers to propaganda and cultural programs used by the governments of South Vietnam and the United States during the Vietnam War to win the popular support of the Vietnamese people and to help defeat the Viet Cong insurgency.

Click here for a link to an article on the Vietnam War


Click here for a short documentary clip about the war

A2 LL - MY NOTES ON GEORGIA O'KEEFFE

I strongly recommend that you read the source article twice.


The method I use is - as I'm reading - jot down - in the margin - the main point and then i underline key words in the text. Where possible I jot down a synonyms for the key words. So 'an immutable sense of who she was...' became 'self-confidence'.


Below is a list of the notes I made while you were reading and planning your recast text on this article last week. They are slightly edited. My original first reading notes had only about 5 secondary points. After a second reading I added another 8.


We've been recommending since the beginning of the year that you read, annotate and research the context of each of the 38 articles relevant to the exam.


I've not checked your independent work but I expect each of you will have a revision file with notes on each article similar to the notes below on Georgia O'Keeffe.


Georgia O'Keeffe Notes

• Georgia O'Keeffe challenged received role of women
• and she knew her life would be an active fight
• strong sense of self - self confidence
• highly motivated - determined
• traditional rural upbringing - apparently
• played with toys - dolls, painted watercolours of cloud filled skies
• her mother read stories of the wild west
• early ambition to be an artist
• despite having very limited access or knowledge of art
• she enjoyed a pen and ink drawing of Maid of Athens
• from one of her mother's books
• and one or two other illustrations from Mother Goose fairy tale 
• she disagreed with authority figures from an early age
• at 13 she was shocked at having a drawing criticised by a teacher
• later she loved the natural world
• and enjoyed walking alone in it when she was a student
• she did not like still life drawing
• and at the Art Institute in Chicago she rejected classes in anatomy 
• Even contemporary students considered her work inferior
• she was told she would be a better model than artist
• another fellow student painted over her work
• she dismissed Impressionism
• and figures of authority artistic establishment dismissed her work
• aged 24 she moved to Texas with her sister
• here she felt free
• walking into the wilderness she loved and craved the emptiness
• on one walk - while her sister was shooting empty bottles with a rifle - she became fascinated by a star
• and painted ten watercolours of it 

Georgia O'Keeffe biographical details - context


Synopsis


Georgia O'Keeffe was born on November 15, 1887, in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin and studied at the Art Institute of Chicago. Photographer Alfred Stieglitz gave O'Keefe her first gallery show in 1916 and the couple married in 1924. O'Keeffe moved to New Mexico after her husband's death and was inspired by the landscape to create numerous well-known paintings. Georgia O'Keeffe died on March 6, 1986.

Early Life


Artist and painter Georgia O'Keeffe was born on November 15, 1887, in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. Known for her striking flower paintings and other captivating works, O'Keeffe was one of the greatest American artists of the twentieth century. She took to making art at a young age and went to study at the Art Institute of Chicago in the early 1900s. Later, while living in New York, she studied with such artists as William Merritt Chase as a member of the Art Students League.

Famed Artwork


O'Keeffe found an advocate in famed photographer and gallery owner Alfred Stieglitz. He showed her work to the public for the first time in 1916 at his gallery 291. Married in 1924, the two formed a professional and personal partnership that lasted until his death in 1946. Some of her popular works from this early period include Black Iris (1926) and Oriental Poppies (1928). Living in New York, she translated some of her environment onto the canvas with such paintings as Shelton Hotel, N.Y. No. 1 (1926).
After frequently visiting New Mexico since the late 1920s, O'Keeffe moved there for good in 1946 after her husband’s death and explored the area's rugged landscapes in many works. This environment inspired such paintings as Black Cross, New Mexico (1929) and Cow's Skull with Calico Roses (1931).

Death and Legacy


O'Keeffe died on March 6, 1986, in Santa Fe, Mexico. As popular as ever, her works can be seen at museums around the world as well as the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum in Santa Fe, New Mexico.


Click here for a link to some of her work and a little bit more about the article

A2 LL - FEEDBACK ON GEORGIA O'KEEFFE RECAST TEXT

Recast Text

Postive points include:

• Some obvious features that address genre of a flyer
• headings and sub-headings were included
• references were made to the audience embedded within the text

Areas that need improvement:

• There were 15 main points in the source text
• 75% of the recast texts I marked contained less than 10 points from the source text
• 60% of the recast texts I've marked were significantly under 300 words 
• Write in complete sentences.
• You must embed in your recast text straight forward, obvious, simple relevant, appropriate genre conventions
• It's conventional to refer to artists by their surnames. In this task, O'Keeffe is the appropriate term
• Focus on the whole extract.
• Only use what is clearly and explicitly present in the source text or strongly implied or clearly assumed by the source text 

Recast Commentary

• The best way to structure your commentary is to write an introduction followed by a series of paragraphs under the topics audience, purpose and genre.
• Do not structure your commentary around a list of technical terms.
• Always identify language features imbedded within quotations
• In your commentary never just list different language features and identify basic functions.
• It is vital that you quote, identify language features and comment on these within the context of the sentence, paragraph and or recast text as a whole.

A2 LL - EXAM DETAILS / LOCATION AND EXAM TIMETABLE

A2 ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE A
ELLA 3 - Comparative Analysis and Text Adaptation
EXAM DETAILS


Friday 17 June 9.30 - 12.00 Quins IG stand


Click here for a link to a map of the venue. However I recommend checking the route to the venue yourself before the exam date. The college usually produces a map for students. In the past these can be collected from reception. There are exam details posted around Glades as well as reception.


Please confirm the above details through official sources. The information above is my understanding of the situation. I may have got the details wrong.


Quins is a short for the Harlequins Rugby Union. Exams are held at the Stoop Stadium in some of the hospitality areas. The Stoop Stadium is about a 15 walk from the back of the college. However with all the demolition work going on access to the exam venues will different than in past years.


Make absolutely sure you know where the exam venue is and know the route well before the morning of the exam.


The address for the stadium is:


Twickenham Stoop Stadium
Langhorn Drive
Twickenham
Middlesex
TW2 7SX


So lets move on and consider again your exam timetable.


9.30 read section b question 2 [sometimes identified as 2i]

• read the question, read the extract, annotate and make relevant notes on the extract, plan your recast text, write and edit recast text

10.10 begin work on section b question 3 [or sometimes referred to as 2ii]

• plan your recast commentary, write and edit the recast commentary

10.30 begin work on section a question

• 10.30 - 10.50 read the question carefully, read, annotate and make relevant notes on all three texts, plan your answer
• 10.50 - 11.50 write you 3 way comparison commentary
• introduction - 5 minutes
• anchor text a - 20 minutes
• text b with comparison to text a - 20 minutes
• text c with comparisons to text a and b - 20 minutes
• conclusion - 5 minutes

A2 LL - CUPCAKES MODEL RECAST COMMENTARY ON ARAFAT QUESTION

This online profile of Yassar Arafat the President of Palestine is essentially informative. It's written for a general audience and uses a formal, low frequency lexis and formal register. The online article is mildly sympathetic to Arafat and uses some selective emotive lexis to encourage the audience to see him sympathetically.


The main purpose of this article is to be informative. The whole profile is dominated by declaratives. I used a variety of short, simple and long complex sentences to create variety and keep my audiences attention. The sentences are full of personal details and everyday facts about his life. I repeated the idea of Arafat being a soldier and also a President. But ended the profile with an emotionally charged image of him as a father. I used the daughter as a symbol of Palestine and Arafat as its father.

This is a personal profile of Yassar Arafat a man the narrator spent some time with. Therefore I wanted to make Arafat appear accessible to readers. I did this by using high frequency lexis coupled with a generally formal register. For example [  ]. This is a short simple declarative. I used the abstract noun 'court' instead of 'home' to elevate Arafat's status. I also use the verb 'hectic' to contrast with 'court'. It's an every day domestic word that readers can relate to.

Finally, this is an online profile much like a hard copy print article. I used headings and sub-headings to guide readers through the text. I also used links to other websites for more detailed information as this is an online article. I used alliteration in the main heading as a pleasing and satisfying experience for readers.

The text is full of emotive lexis like 'death', 'sacrifice', and 'daughter'. These are used to encourage readers to develop a sympathetic response to Arafat as well as engage them powerfully.

A2 LL - MODEL INTRODUCTION FOR THE RIVERS 3 WAY COMPARISON

All three texts are linked by the subject of rivers. Text C is a highly literary autobiography. It is both informative and entertaining. McGrath describes the River Cam's location then describes its sluggish flow. The second half of the extract focuses on an anecdote where he walked along the bank of the Cam with his girlfriend. He saw his first Kingfisher. The audience will be educated, quite sophisticated and cultured. They maybe tourists or know McGrath's work. Like text C, text A presents the River Fleet as a place of beauty. This text is a transcript of spontaneous speech that involves a short series of adjacency pairs between friends. Where speaker A sets the agenda by asking speaker B about his experience of fishing on the Fleet. He uses four interrogative utterances to do this. This text is private. The primary audience are the two speakers. It is informative, persuasive and entertaining. Unlike text A and C text B is fictional. The poem is in the form of a dramatic monologue. The first person narrator is the voice of the river itself. The river is male, unattractive, old but still powerful. Despite describing himself as beautiful the river is unattractive and dangerous. His attitudes towards people are dark and sinister. Its audience may be people who like Stevie Smith's poetry, people who know and love the river Mimram or who like the natural world. Its main purpose is to entertain.


240 words

A2 LL - CUPCAKES MODEL ANSWER FOR THE ARAFAT I KNEW

Recast text

YASSAR ARAFAT PRESIDENT AND PALESTINIAN

Yassar Arafat was set apart from other Palestinians. While others were settling down with families, making a home and looking to the future, Arafat presented himself as a worrier president of the new state of Palestine.

His return to Gaza was greatly anticipated. The people of the West Bank were full of hope and expectation for the return of their leader and the young fighters that went into exile with him.


'Prepared to die'

But he was prepared to die like any true soldier. He was always ready to lay down his life; to sacrifice himself for the cause of Palestinian independence.

At court an his home in Ramallah his life was full and hectic. People came to visit at all times of the day and night. Everyone wanted an audience with him. He and the office he represented were highly respected. Perhaps more so because of there fragility.


'Eccentric old man'


Yet he was an eccentric elderly man and had a number of habits that also helped set him apart. For example his house was very bare. It was empty of luxuries and things to make him feel that he was at home. He always wore his army uniform in public and in private. He went to bed a soldier and woke each morning a soldier. And like a soldier he always ate the same food, whether it was breakfast or dinner.

'Sacrifice'

  He was always ready to fight and be killed. Sometimes he would be worried about the threat of Hamas -the PLO's strongest Palestinian opposition party. But he was ready for them. Despite his legendary fighters returning older, grey and fat, they were still an effective fighting force to be reckoned with. They were able to defend their leader. He was like a father.  

There is a photograph of him holding his young daughter in his arms. He looks at her with love and adoration.  

310 words

A2 LL CUPCAKES RECAST FEEDBACK ON THE ARAFAT I KNEW

Recast text feedback

• It's really important to address the genre of an online article.
• Using hyperlink titles to other websites at the beginning of an article is a good start 
• Leaving a bordered empty space with a label as a photograph or video embedded within the text can be effective
• Include an empty space and label it as an animated graph or animated potted history can help with context
• Links to highlighted words might also be effective

I do think that using 2 or 3 of the above could be useful but don't spend a lot of time on this. Remember it is a way of establishing genre and may help with audience and purpose. But don't waste too much time on it. 
If you are going to use 2 or 3 of the above make absolutely sure you refer to them in the recast commentary.

• It is vitally important that you engage with the task as fully as you can. Try to develop an angle on which to approach the subject as a whole. One straightforward way of achieving a sense of engagement is to use what appear to be insignificant details in the extract.
• Avoid general, vague and superficial statements.
• Wherever possible write specific and detailed points.
• Using your own words will also help bring a sense of a genuine and engaged response to the task

• Try and write as clearly and accurately as you can. You will be nervous. You will be holding a pen in your hand for two and a half hours.
• Try to hold the pen lightly when you are writing
• Put the pen down and rest your writing hand - even for a few seconds will be useful - between questions.
• Practise the correct spellings of a range of language, literary and spoken language features, like 'onomatopoeia', 'frequency', 'fluency', 'metaphor', 'simile', 'repetition', 'repetitive' and 'connective'. These are just sum of the words I found spelled incorrectly in this round of marking.
• Use the breathing exercise I've shown you before the exam.

• Use headings and sub headings as you would in a hard copy article

• Don't make the recast commentary longer than the recast text itself. 
• Remember that there are 25 marks for the recast text and 15 marks for the recast commentary. 
• Remember the exam time table. 9.30 - 10.10: read, annotate, plan, write and edit the recast text. 10.10 - 10.30 plan, write and edit the recast commentary.
• The recast text should be 340 long maximum. The recast commentary should be longer than 250 words but probably no longer than 300 words.

• Avoid at all cost repeating a point you have already made especially if you are going to use another example to make the same point. Once you have made a point move on there are new marks available for repeating a point. 

Recast commentary feedback

• Timings are absolutely essential in this task. You must write a complete recast text and recast commentary.

• I think writing an introduction to your recast commentary is mandatory. However I strongly recommend that you do not write a recast commentary conclusion.

• However if you feel you must then write just one summary sentence to round off your work. If you write a long conclusion the examiner will assume you have nothing more to add and you are just wasting time.

• I recommend that you write 4 sections to your recasting commentary. They are:
• A concise summary statement that identifies your audience, purpose[s] and genre
• Do not use quotations at all but you could list a selection of the language features you used in the recast text
• The second, third and fourth paragraphs should cover audience, purpose[s] and genre. One paragraph per topic.
• Each of these paragraphs must contain references to the topic, identify about 5 different language or literary techniques, identify techniques and comment on the impact of these on an audience.

• Aim to include 15 different language / literary features in your commentary.

• Avoid at all cost repeating a point you have already made especially if you are going to use another example to make the same point. Once you have made a point move on there are new marks available for repeating a point. 

Click here for a link to a guide on the recast text and recast commentary. I strongly recommend that you read this before the next piece of timed work.

A2 LL 3 WAY COMPARISON FEEDBACK ON RIVERS

• In your introduction you need to do more than just repeat what has already been established in the exam question. For each text you must - as a summary or overview
• identify audience, purpose[s], genre, specific topic - this might be plot or narrative description and attitude towards the topic
• make general comparative points between all three texts
• Once you have established a point there is no need to establish it again with another example. Move on with your commentary.
• I recommend only using short, relevant quotations that contain language features to comment on. However if you do use long quotations then you really must analyse it fully. I'd suggest commenting on 3 - 5 language features and effects.
• Really make a significant point of the 1st person narrative of the poem. First person narratives are biased and selective in their vision of the situation. First person narratives of objects and things gives life to the object, makes it appear human - it uses language.
• It's not enough to write only one thing about a quotation. Aim to write at least 3 relevant and appropriate points about a language feature.
• Don't ignore the first half of text C. There are lots of observations and language features to identify here.
• In your analysis of rivers consider both elemental and sensuous language in all three of the texts.
• You absolutely must revise spoken language features and terms. Look at transcripts of spontaneous speech and observe the function of spoken language features. Revise key terms.
• There will be a variety of reasons why non-fluency features are used in a transcript of spontaneous speech. Consider the context of the transcript to help decide what is motivating